WEEK 6: The Terrifying Open Ocean

Fishermen always put themselves at risk. The seas and oceans of this planet are affected by oft-unpredictable weather patterns and a big, round rock in the sky. Sometimes they go away for a day, sometimes months. Sometimes they can land that big catch straight away, sometimes the waters offer them nothing but a few sardines per day. There must be questions on every fisher-mind in the small hours whenever they take the boat out into open-ocean…

‘will this time be worth it?’

‘when will I see my loved ones again?’

‘am I in the right location?’

Right now I feel like I’m in the middle of the ocean. The unmapped southern part of the Indian ocean where flight MH370 is believed to be. In the unknown.

I’m not lost, though. There are things that are certain. What I’m doing here is right. I’m in the right place. It’s the right time.

But now there are genuine worries coming to light. I’ve never had a lot of money, never been career-minded or lusted after a more comfortable lifestyle. I’ve also never gone wanting – I’ve always been able to pay for food, drink, rent, power – I’ve had enough to live life and enjoy the beautiful things. But here I am in my very own open ocean. It costs a lot of money to fly around the world to see my loved ones. It costs a lot of money to buy a keyboard from which to teach. It costs a lot of money to buy strings, sticks, picks, microphones, pedals and other gear for the band. It costs a lot of money to maintain an apartment with bills and basic living necessities. The waves start to lap the side of the ship to the sound of “it costs a lot of money… it costs a lot of money… it costs a lot of money.”

It was the TV that started all of this. I packed my TV, Blu-ray player and some Blu-rays in a hard suitcase on the plane. I know. Dumb. But to check in a TV aboard a Jet Airways flight, let me hear you… “it costs a lot of money.” So I packed it, I padded it out, I made sure it would besafe inside. When I unpacked it in India, it looked fine… until I plugged it in. Then it was clear that it had been thrown around like a piñata surrounded by thirty 8 year-olds. Red, blue and green light pierced through the blackness of the screen in a crack pattern. It’s no big deal. There’s another TV in the apartment but the picture is a bad quality and black-and-white, plus I’m not here to watch TV. It’s just nice to have the normality of being able to sit down and watch one your favourite movies. It’s something I’ll have to do without. Buying a new TV is not a viable financial option for someone doing charity work.

So I’ll look at what I do have instead of what I don’t have. I have a beautiful life. Just this week I went with all the Bethesda Life Centre children to celebrate Holi – the famous Hindu festival of colours. The Grand Hyatt hotel invite the children to join their Holi party every year, and to come for Christmas dinner every year. It’s a beautifully selfless act for a big business – one that can offer no big returns for them. So we all went to the party in the grounds of the big posh hotel where there was a bounty of free food and drink, music, dancing, drummers on podiums, and most importantly coloured powders. Anyone familiar with Holi will be aware of what to do with these multi-coloured powders. You throw them. At people. Any people. It’s a celebration of the diversity of the full spectrum of colour. Pure happiness. It reminded me of the front cover of UNITED’s Wonder album and made me think that so many people only see a couple of colours and think that those colours are the right colours, or the only colours. But Holi is a day set aside to remind people that life is created with vibrancy, therefore to be happy your life needs to embrace vibrancy. That day at the Grand Hyatt showed me more genuine happiness than I’ve seen since… well since I last came to India.

Jajajajaja.

The happiness continued through til Sunday where I wanted church to be a celebration and I wanted the boys from the senior boys home to be part of it. Senior boys have a tendency to reserve themselves for fear of being seen as silly. So on Sunday morning before the service I talked to them all and told them we were going to have a party in the service. The songs were mixed up this week – fast song, slow song, slow song, fast song, with This Is Living being that fourth song. The song and the band reliably created a strong party atmosphere and people were singing, clapping and dancing – including the senior boys! I looked around and saw some of those senior boys so happy that thoughts of what their friends thought were lost for 5 minutes. I was deeply moved as I sat down at the end.

So it’s Monday again and I’m back in my apartment with my black and white TV and memories of a wonderful, colourful week.

Sidenotes:

• This blog entry is not a begging bowl. As I mentioned above, I’ve lived my life and never gone wanting for anything I need. However, if you feel compelled to give, you can do so via this JustGiving link or send an email to hello@willadammusic.com and I can provide my UK bank details.
• You can also donate by buying an album from the music store.
• One of the senior boys, Rohit, has been going to a music academy in Panjim and was part of a concert on Saturday where he beat his nerves and got up to play Oh Susanna with 3 other guitarists and a keyboardist. It was a big moment for him.
• I have another new song on the go.